Why Missing School Matters More Than You Think (From a Busy Mom & School Counselor Who Gets It)

Hey there, fellow moms! 👋

If you’re a busy mom like me, you know mornings can feel like an Olympic sport. Lost shoes, cereal spills, the last-minute “I don’t feel good” claims and that’s before you even get out the door. As a school counselor, and a mom, I get it on every level. I was a mom before I was a counselor, so I get that even more.

But here’s the thing we don’t talk about enough: missing school is a big deal. Even “just a day or two here and there” adds up in ways most parents never realize.

Why Absences Matter (Even the Small Ones)

From the school side, we see patterns quickly. A kid who misses two days a month? By the end of the year, that’s 20 days—an entire month of learning lost. And it’s not just academics:

• Kids who miss school have a harder time making and keeping friends.

• Anxiety tends to grow when they’re away from routines.

• The more kids miss, the harder it is to come back.

• And yes, grades drop, confidence drops, and motivation disappears.

But from the mom side? I know how tempting it is to say, “It’s just one day. He’s tired.” Trust me, I’ve done it. But patterns start early. And once missing school becomes normal, it becomes a battle none of us want.

Why Kids Avoid School (Even When They Can’t Explain It)

Kids aren’t always skipping school because they’re “sick.” Sometimes:

• They’re overwhelmed by work.

• They feel behind.

• Friendship drama is happening.

• They’re anxious and don’t know how to say it.

• Or, let’s be honest, home is just more fun.

And that brings us to what we can do.

How Parents Can Help Kids Get to School (Without Losing Our Minds)

These are the things I’ve seen actually work, not just as a counselor, but in my own home.

1. Make Home Not More Fun Than School

I know it sounds harsh. But if home equals iPad time, snacks, shows, and comfy blankets, then of course they’d rather stay home.

On sick days or “mental health days,” keep home calm, quiet, restful, and boring.

Think:

• No electronics

• No special activities

• Regular chores still happen

If your child is truly sick, they’ll rest.
If they’re avoiding school? Suddenly school looks a lot more appealing. If your kid comes home because they say they are sick and then when they get home they are all the sudden "better," maybe they are not actually sick. Kids are good at playing us.

2. Reward the Behavior You Want to See

Kids thrive on positive reinforcement. And going to school—especially when they don’t want to—is a big deal!

Some ideas:

• Weekly attendance rewards: a treat, park time, Friday movie night

• Morning checklists with a small prize: sticker chart → prize after 10

• Extra cuddle time or choosing dinner: simple, free, and meaningful

Celebrate the effort:
“Hey, I know you were tired today. I’m proud of you for pushing through.”

3. Start Requiring Attendance Early—And Stay Consistent

Even in preschool and kindergarten, routines matter. Kids learn early:

• “School is optional”
  or

• “School is what we do”

Consistency builds confidence and independence. If kids know:

• We go to school unless we’re truly sick

• Mornings follow the same routine

• Mom means what she says

there is a lot less arguing and a LOT less stress.

4. Talk About the “Why,” Not Just the Rules

Kids cooperate more when they understand the reason. Try:

“I don’t send you to school to be mean, I do it because I want you to feel confident, make friends, and be proud of yourself and to learn.”

Keep the message clear:
School helps you grow, learn, and become the amazing person you’re meant to be.

5. Keep Communication Open With the School

If something is going on like anxiety, academic trouble, friendship drama please tell us!
You’re not bothering anyone.

We can help with:

• Counseling support

• Peer conflict resolution

• Academic catch-up plans

• Anxiety accommodations

• Teacher check-ins

Your team at school wants your child to succeed as much as you do.

We’re All On the Same Team

At the end of the day, mama, none of us are perfect. I’ve had mornings where I wanted to crawl back into bed just as much as my kid did.

But showing up, physically and emotionally, is one of the biggest gifts we can give our children.

Consistent attendance builds:

• resilience

• responsibility

• confidence

• friendships

• academic success

And the habits we build now? They last a lifetime.

You’ve got this. And we’re in it with you. 💛