What I See as a School Counselor: The Real State of Our Students Today

Hey there, fellow moms! 👋

Being a school counselor is one of the most rewarding — and eye-opening — roles in education. Every day, I sit in a space where kids come with everything they’re carrying: their stress, their curiosity, their struggles, their kindness, their chaos.

I get a front-row seat to what’s really going on in schools today. And while the challenges are real, so are the beautiful things that remind me why this work matters so much.

Here’s a glimpse into what I’m seeing right now:

Let’s Talk About the Challenges

These are not just “one kid” issues. These are trends, and they’re growing. And they’re not just about the kids — they reflect changes in our culture, our parenting, and our pace of life.

1. Kids Struggling to Write Legibly

Many students can barely hold a pencil the right way, let alone write in a legible sentence. Keyboarding has taken over, and motor skills are falling behind.
Writing is becoming a frustrating task instead of a way to express thought.

So how can you help as a parent? Have your child practice their handwriting skills. Print off those old-school lined papers and have them sit down and practice making their letters. Even with your older kids if you see that they have issues with their handwriting. Practice is what is going to make this situation better.

2. Entitlement — From Kids and Parents

There’s a growing sense of “my child should never be uncomfortable” — and it's becoming a barrier to growth. We learn and grow when we are uncomfortable. We should want our kids to be in uncomfortable situations some times because we want them to learn and grow. Do I think you should stand up for your kid when you feel like you should, of course! Do I think you should always believe that your kid is telling you the whole truth? Absolutely not! Kids know when they may get in trouble, so they spin the story to make themselves look better. Notice how I didn't say they lie, they spin the truth a little. We all want to save face when we are in hard situations. Letting your kid know that you are behind them and love them and will still enforce consequences is so important for kids growth and learning.
One thing we are seeing a lot of is parents wanting us to change things to make their student's schedule or life easier. My co-worker had a parent come in and say to her that he pays her salary with his taxes, so she better make the change he wants. What people don't understand is that we have limits to what we can and can't do in education. We have maximum class sizes. We don't teach every class every period. But a parent coming in and acting like that, in front of their child, shows that child that it is ok to act like that, when it is not ok. So what can you do? Choose your words carefully when your child is around. They are listening to everything you say and do.

3. Disrespect Toward Teachers and Authority

Students talking back. Parents undermining teachers in front of their kids. The erosion of respect is real — and it's creating friction in classrooms and burnout for staff. It also has to be exhausting for the parents to have that much negativity all the time.

Mutual respect should be the foundation. But too often, authority figures are treated like the enemy instead of allies in a child’s growth. Parents and teachers should be on the same team! Both parties want the kids to learn and grow. Parents need to stop thinking that teachers have some other agenda that they are trying to push in classrooms. Teachers don't have time for that. They barely have enough time to teach the state standards they are required to teach. Instead of blaming teachers for anything, ask them how you can help.

4. So Many Kids Struggling With Anxiety

Test anxiety. Social anxiety. Anxiety over who they’ll sit with at lunch.
Kids are more emotionally fragile than ever — but they’re also more aware of their mental health than we were at their age. Anxiety has been labeled as a bad thing. However, anxiety is not bad. If we didn't have anxiety nothing would ever get accomplished. For example, you are anxious because you have a math test next week. Because you are anxious you study for the math test. That is not bad anxiety. Anxiety is only bad when it is making your life so bad that you can't focus on anything except that anxiety. So in the math test example, you study day and night, not sleeping, not eating and you only focus on studying for the math test. That is harmful anxiety. That is when you need to get some help with anxiety.

How can you help? Teach your kids words to use other than anxiety. Are they nervous, worried, excited, or scared? When a kid comes in and tells me they have anxiety, a lot of times what they are really feeling is some other emotion but they only know anxiety.

5. Never-Ending Drama

From friend group explosions to online rumors, the social scene feels relentless.
Middle school especially can feel like a minefield of shifting loyalties and emotional overload. About 80% of my job as a middle school counselor is dealing with friend drama. In elementary school you are friends with people because they may live by you or your moms are friends or you both like to color. In middle school you become friends with people because they have similar likes or values. We also combine a few different elementary schools into our middle school so their are new kids that you didn't know before. This is a hard transition because kids don't know how to leave their old friends and move on with their new friends. To add on to the situation you are also dealing with a lot of hormones and feelings in middle school. So we just end up with a lot of drama.

And no — it’s not always the kids causing it. Screens, lack of boundaries, and sometimes even adult involvement make it worse. You can help your kids by not feeding into the drama. Listen to your kids and validate their feelings. Instead of talking bad about people, help your kids come up with ways to deal with the situation that they feel comfortable with. Help them learn how to set healthy boundaries with people. Remember that you are the parent, not your kids friend. They have friends that they can talk to about what is happening, they need a parent who can help them navigate the situations with experience.

But There’s Hope — And It’s Big

Despite all of that, I see something else too. Something powerful. Something worth fighting for.

1. Kids Want to Know More

They ask deep, thoughtful questions. They want to understand their world. They’re more curious than we give them credit for — especially when we create space for conversation instead of control. Kids have any information they want at the click of their fingers. This can be bad, but I have also seen it used for good so many times. Let them be creative and ask them thought provoking questions. That is how you are going to really learn about your child.

2. They Can Adapt Like No Generation Before

From pandemic pivots to learning tech tools in seconds — this generation is resilient. They’ve had to be. Change doesn’t scare them as much as it used to scare us. Their tech skills amaze me! We can't keep up with them. They are coming up with new ways around our systems all the time. I am excited to see what they can do with technology when they are adults. They also adapt to changes really well. I used to get nervous when I would have to tell a student about a change, but they always surprise me with how they are ok and just go with the flow.

3. They Crave Social Connection

In a world full of screens, students still crave real, face-to-face connection.
They want clubs, lunch groups, friendship circles — even if their social skills are still catching up post-COVID. Kids want to interact with each other even when they say they don't or they are nervous about it. Make your kids have social interactions that are out of their comfort zone. Make them order their own food at a restaurant, make them answer questions when another adult asks them something. Always be there to back them up, but also empower them to do hard things.

4. They Are Empathetic and Inclusive

This generation has heart.
They’re more accepting of differences — race, gender identity, neurodiversity — than any group before them. They want people to feel like they belong. Are there kids being mean to other kids, definitely. But I see more inclusivity then I see people getting left out. And our kids are way more empathetic than we ever were when we were their age. I don't know if that comes from them seeing so many more things than we did at that age, but I love it. They care about each other and I love seeing it!

It’s not perfect, but I see real hope in the way many students advocate for each other — and for themselves.

Final Thoughts: We’re in a Tension — But That’s Where Growth Happens

Being a school counselor right now means holding the tension between the challenges and the promise.

Yes, students are struggling. But they’re also evolving.
Yes, school feels harder than it did ten years ago, mostly due to social and emotional problems that adults are causing. But we are raising a generation that is more emotionally aware, inclusive, and open to growth than ever before.

We need to show up for them. Set boundaries for them. Lead them with both truth and compassion. And we need to work with families, and families with us, to raise resilient, respectful, curious kids.

Let’s stop pretending we’re not all feeling this shift — and start working together to meet our students where they are, while still guiding them toward who they can become.

Are you a fellow educator or parent seeing similar things? I’d love to hear what your experience has been. Let's keep the conversation going — our kids deserve it. ❤️