10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Kids

Hey there, fellow moms! 👋

If I could sit with you over coffee — messy bun, spit-up stained sweatshirt, tired eyes and all — I’d lean in and tell you something I wish I had heard back then: you’re doing better than you think.

Motherhood is beautiful, brutal, confusing, exhausting, and the most life-changing thing you’ll ever do. And while there’s no perfect manual, I want to share 10 things I wish I had known before I had kids to hopefully help you breathe a little easier.

1. It’s Okay to Not Love Every Moment

You’ll hear, “Enjoy every second — it goes so fast!” but not every moment is enjoyable. Some are just about surviving. And that’s okay. Loving your kids doesn’t mean loving every part of motherhood. I had a lot of mom guilt over not loving every moment of being a mom. As I have gotten older and looked around at new moms, I realize that I was always just doing my best and that is all that matters. If you think about it, you don't always love your job or working out or many of the things we do on a daily basis, so don't give yourself a hard time.

2. Perfection Is a Myth. Presence Is What Matters

I wasted a lot of energy trying to be the “perfect mom.” Perfect snacks. Perfect clothes. Perfect responses. What my kids really needed? A mom who was present, not polished. As my kids got older and could communicate their feelings to me, they often were so happy that I showed up to their events. They did notice as they got older that not everyone's parents always came to everything. But they did notice that I was always there, even if I had to rearrange my schedule to be there.

3. Grades Don’t Define Your Child

I stressed over every test, assignment, and missed point. Looking back? I wish I’d focused more on their mental health, character, and curiosity — and less on report cards. A lot of times we define our kids by how they are doing in school, how good they are at a sport, how well they play an instrument. This shouldn't be what defines our kids. We should want them to be working towards being the best people they can be. Make sure they are learning the small lessons like it is great to win a big game, but also not rubbing it in the other teams faces because they worked hard to get there too.

4. Make Them Do Chores (Even When It’s Easier to Do It Yourself)

I thought I was being kind by letting them off the hook. What I didn’t realize? I was robbing them of responsibility, confidence, and valuable life skills. Let them help even if it takes longer. When it came to chores I had zero patience for fighting my kids about getting them done. What did I learn from that? That my kids don't know how to do a lot of things they are going to need to do as adults. Also, they still leave their stuff all over my house. Even the adult kids!

5. Don’t Overschedule Your Kids (or Yourself)

I thought busy meant successful. Sports, clubs, camps, you name it. But we were exhausted. What we needed more of? White space. Family dinners. Rest. Laughter. Boredom, even. I lived in my car for years. I was exhausted planning how I was going to get everyone where they needed to go, when they needed to be there. It was overwhelming and made life so much harder than it needed to be. I have learned to say no to things and if my kids really want to do something, maybe that should ride their bike.

6. Their Behavior Isn’t Always About You

Tantrums, attitude, meltdowns — I used to take it all personally. But your child is a whole human being with their own emotions and needs. It’s not always a reflection of your parenting. I had one child that was a tantrum thrower. Anywhere we went I knew there was going to be a tantrum. I could have been so much more patient with it had I known what I know now. I wouldn't have taken it all so personally and I wouldn't have cared what other people around me where thinking. Work with your child on different behavior calming techniques and figure out what works best for them. Arm yourself with a toolbox that you can take with you wherever those tantrums happen.

7. Trust Your Gut and Not Everyone Else’s Opinion

You’ll get advice from every direction be it family, friends, Instagram moms, strangers in the grocery store. But you know your child better than anyone else. Listen to your instincts. Mom instincts are some of the strongest things on the planet.

8. You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup (Cliché, But True)

I ignored self-care until I was completely burned out. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself, it’s necessary. Go for the walk. Ask for help. Take the nap. Your kids need you, not your exhaustion. This was one thing as a really young mom that I was horrible about. I should have had more babysitters and taken more time for myself, but again that mom guilt. Take time for you and your partner too. Have date nights and make sure you both are on the same page.

9. You’ll Mess Up — And It’ll Be Okay

You’ll lose your temper. You’ll forget the school project. You’ll cry in the bathroom. That doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a real one. Apologize. Grow. Keep going. Remember that you are amazing and you are doing it!

10. It Goes Fast, But It’s Also Long

Everyone says, “The days are long but the years are short.” And they’re right. But here’s what I’ve learned: You don’t have to treasure every second, just show up for the moments that matter.

Final Thoughts

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, take a breath. You don’t have to get everything right. You just have to love your child, and yourself, enough to keep showing up, one day at a time.

You’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you know.